Why I am no longer growing a beard, by Jeffrey Veen

Why I am no longer growing a beard

Me with a 'beard'

I am growing a full beard for the first time in my life. It is in response to some developers I'm working with on the secret project and their desire to meet their milestones. "I'm not shaving until we launch!" -- a physical manifestation of the stress, energy, and excitement of an undertaking like this.

I, however, am quitting this game. We'll meet our deadlines, hit our goals, and be a good close-knit team. But I will do so clean-shaven. This is why:

Physiology and aesthetics occasionally do not partner. That is, I now understand why there is an enormous industry devoted to encouraging hair to grow in some places and not in others. I cannot physically grow a proper beard.
I am a cyclist and when I ride I get sweaty and with a beard... ew. Also, cyclist make a habit of shaving all sorts of things; beards certainly are not part of the sport.
It itches.
People keep asking, "Hey, are you growing a beard?" and it's been over a month.
I could easily be on the cover of Modern Hobo Magazine.

Update: Michael points out that I'm neither a caveman nor porn star. He makes a strong case for both.

This entry was written by Jeffrey Veen and posted 4 May 2005 at 9:01 AM. It was filed under Personal.

Comments

1. On 4 May 2005 at 9:13 AM Jake wrote:

What? No photo?? Boo!

2. On 4 May 2005 at 9:19 AM veen wrote:

Here's one, Jake:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/39443897301@N01/11358153/

3. On 4 May 2005 at 9:46 AM Rob Weychert wrote:

As a beard enthusiast, I must register my disappointment. I hope you'll reconsider in time for the 2006 SxSW Beard-Off, which I intend to kick off in this Fall.

4. On 4 May 2005 at 10:23 AM Jake wrote:

Hmm... How long did you let it go?

My own beard (which is perfectly horrible: http://www.flickr.com/photos/jakesutton/2743010/) takes about a month before it begins to look even remotely proper.

5. On 4 May 2005 at 10:25 AM Steve Portigal wrote:

Last night we watched the Family Guy DVD, specifically the episode where Peter grows a large beard and a rare bird takes up nesting in it. That image came to mind as soon as I read the headline, and regardless of anything else written, I just figured that the bird living on your face was getting to you. First impressions, sometimes, are hard to beat.

6. On 4 May 2005 at 4:25 PM Mike D. wrote:

I second Amish Rob's registration of disappointment. You gots' ta let it get comfortable before you can truly evaluate its unquestionably positive effect on your life. Specifically, you need a trimmer. Without a trimming every week or two, it's bound to act up on you.

And yes, no SXSW beard-off for you.

Rob, I'm counting the days...

7. On 4 May 2005 at 4:51 PM jason carlin wrote:

That is sooooo lame. Hetfield get all clean-shaven and all of a sudden you've just got to trim the mug. You just want to keep getting free burgers from stoned metalheads In&Out.

8. On 4 May 2005 at 5:18 PM mikey wrote:

good call, bud. i am also inflicted with the pitiful facial hair gene. runs throughout the males in my tribe.

9. On 4 May 2005 at 6:02 PM Aristotle Pagaltzis wrote:

Heh. My facial hair is so sparse that I look ridiculous when I attempt to grow a beard. It is quite unfortunate, since I’d eagerly take advantage of the laziness which good looking beard growers can afford.

(Hey, I often go hungry because cooking or grabbing food is less interesting than whatever I’m doing at the moment; what did you expect?)

10. On 4 May 2005 at 9:21 PM Tim Hill wrote:

just imagine leaving it growing until we05 (www.we05.com), everyone would be all 'that's Jeffrey Veen?'
you'd win best hairstyle for sure!

11. On 5 May 2005 at 7:28 AM jordan wrote:

Hrm... you can have mine. My facial hair grows so fast that I can shave at about 7am and have visible hair by 3pm.

12. On 5 May 2005 at 8:13 AM Mike Monteiro wrote:

Thanks for the personal grooming update. Can you please let us know if you need a new doormat or lunch suggestions, cause the blogosphere is there for you man. Also, consider going pro!

13. On 5 May 2005 at 8:19 AM veen wrote:

Thanks Mike!

Stay tuned for "Naming the New Kitten" and "My 5 Favorite Albums This Year (so far)".

Also, I'm writing a script that uploads the current milage on my Vespa using WebServices and SOAP with a new MicroFormat I designed.

Blogosphere, indeed!

14. On 5 May 2005 at 8:29 AM John B wrote:

There's no shame in admitting defeat. :)

15. On 6 May 2005 at 2:27 PM Matt wrote:

Worse than "are you growing a beard" is the stinger: "are you trying to grow a beard?"

RE: cycling... Haven't you ever seen Sheldon Brown?
http://sheldonbrown.com/home.html

16. On 7 May 2005 at 6:36 AM Ben Saunders wrote:

Oh, beards are *definitely* a part of cycling!

http://www.cyclingnews.com/photos/2002/sep02/worldtrack/?id=afp3/AFP-TEAM-69

17. On 7 May 2005 at 7:54 AM Kari wrote:

A beard that closely resembles shredded wheat is definately not foxy!

18. On 7 May 2005 at 10:11 PM Tom wrote:

I did the same thing last Christmas - it was dubbed the "Christmas Beard" by my friends. #3 on your list is enough reason to get rid of it.

19. On 9 May 2005 at 3:36 AM Vitaly Friedman wrote:

"People keep asking, "Hey, are you growing a beard?" and it's been over a month."

Oh, I know this... But once you've shaved after a month or so, people keep on saying "Hey, have you shaved your beard?". That's why I am growing a beard... :)