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Why I am no longer growing a beard

04 May 2005

Me with a 'beard'

I am growing a full beard for the first time in my life. It is in response to some developers I’m working with on the secret project and their desire to meet their milestones. “I’m not shaving until we launch!” – a physical manifestation of the stress, energy, and excitement of an undertaking like this.

I, however, am quitting this game. We’ll meet our deadlines, hit our goals, and be a good close-knit team. But I will do so clean-shaven. This is why:

  1. Physiology and aesthetics occasionally do not partner. That is, I now understand why there is an enormous industry devoted to encouraging hair to grow in some places and not in others. I cannot physically grow a proper beard.
  2. I am a cyclist and when I ride I get sweaty and with a beard... ew. Also, cyclist make a habit of shaving all sorts of things; beards certainly are not part of the sport.
  3. It itches.
  4. People keep asking, "Hey, are you growing a beard?" and it's been over a month.
  5. I could easily be on the cover of Modern Hobo Magazine.

Update: Michael points out that I’m neither a caveman nor porn star. He makes a strong case for both. ​

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