Girl’s Life

I hate to say it, but my daughter has learned to lie.

She’s not even two. She hasn’t even mastered the English language. She doesn’t yet know how to read or to spell her name. But the girl already knows how to lie, I tell you.

OK, so she doesn’t really lie so much as she lied. (Like how I try to convince myself it was an isolated incident?) Sophia schemed up an elaborate idea to get me to let her get up earlier than usual in the morning to eat breakfast and go play. She straight out told me she had a dirty diaper (I believe her exact words were “poop-eeee die-pah, mommy!”) to get me out of bed and up fixin’ her some “no-gurt and nanas”. She didn’t, in fact, have a diaper that needed changing, but she now knows that the only way to get my eyes to open that early in the morning is to tell me the one thing I don’t want to hear because it’s the one baby excuse that I can’t ignore.

Poopy diapers are my Achilles heal. Poopy diapers are the thorn in my side. Poopy diapers — I curse you! I will not give in to requests for snacks or more TV or one more drink of water before bed. But I will always change those darn diapers. And Sophia knows it. So that is why when I brought her into my bed to try and catch a few more minutes of sleep when all she wanted to do was get up and play, I got the poopy diaper lie.

If she’s starting this young, I can’t even imagine the elaborate lies she will have come up with by the time she is a teenager. God save us all.